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Monday, May 6, 2019

A reflection of the hardest year of my life!

Tonight I was reflecting on how far I had come! Over the last year I have had so many personal growths that almost broke me but have now made me a stronger person, and I am actually so very proud of myself!

A year ago 
  • I felt like I had lost my way
  • I didn't feel like ME, I felt a mess
  • I was adjusting to being a mother of two, juggling (or I should say struggling) to sync two children's routines (a toddler and a baby), 
  • trying to keep my sanity with literally no sleep (between Lilah waking every hour and Amelia waking 3-4 times a night), 
  • aimlessly trying to navigating through thousands of emotions around my baby Lilah's diagnosis of Turners Syndrome - feelings of guilt, worry, fear, how to tell/ explain it all to family & friends- (a year ago I told the one person in your life you should be able to count on for support of Lilah's condition and literally got NO response, this wasn't a shock but a reinforcement of who I can and cant rely on for emotional support!
  • learning to say no to things I was not ok with, and dealing with repercussions of not doing this earlier- a big learning curve of realising who is "in it for them" and "who is there for you"
  • working up the courage to make/ attend all the specialist appointments- as each appointment was another confirmation that my baby girl may have extra struggles in life, 
  • major feelings of not being a good "enough" mother for either of my girls
  • working up the courage to reach out for help & opening up about my struggles, something I really don't like doing, but my sister Maree was my rock and without her I don't know where I would have been!
Fast forward a year and I am in a so much better place!

  • We have our routine pretty much sorted, Lilah is sleeping so much better since the help of Tressillian and a sleep consultant, the girls are enjoying each others company so much more, 
  • I have made so many new connections within the TS community- who give me strength, courage and many helpful resources, 
  • I feel like I am on top of most our appointments and day to day activities 
  • I have finally got to a point where discussing or thinking about Lilah's syndrome doesn't make me break down into tears! 
  • I am less reactive of others opinions/ reactions! 
  • More than anything I am mostly living in the moment enjoying my life with my girls and husband, 
  • I am truly so amazed and so proud of both my girls- especially Amelia amazed at how much of a caring, loving, fun big sister she is and how well she has dealt with all the upheaval of our past predictable steady life and 
  • I now am also able to celebrate every milestone and new thing Lilah is learning rather than spending every second of the day worrying about the "what if's"... 
  • I also now understanding that Lilah is running her own race!

I truly feel like a different person! Back to my old fun, calmer self but slightly different, wiser, with a whole new view on life! Stronger, more compassionate, a better outlook, more deeply grateful for all that we are, all that we have in our lives!

So I guess my point of this blog is that if you are in a place where you are going through new struggles, new emotions and feel like you have lost your way... remember to breathe, be present, be grateful, reach out for help and know that "this too shall pass"! Soon you too will be looking back and reflecting on how far you have come and celebrating the challenges you have conquered!



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