Wednesday, June 6, 2018
Love you to the moon & back Lilah!
Who would have thought such a little human being could have such an impact on us?!
It is almost a year since we had some pretty scary news about you Lilah, at our 12 week ultrasound we were told lots of possible scary scenarios which lead us down the avenue of many scary prenatal testings, which gave us further scary scenarios and left us with more questions than answers.
I never knew anxiety and fear like I did at this point in our lives.
I wish someone would had told me that you were going to be an amazing little super star, I wish someone would had told me that no "condition" would stop you from being our baby girl or stop us from having a truly magical life, I wish someone would had told me that you will be you in all your uniqueness and that no condition or label would define you, I wish someone would have told me that it was going to be ok- that WE were going to be ok, I wish that someone would had told me that the love that I will feel for you will pull us through all the tough times! ...Ok so my husband did tell me most of this! But FEAR stopped me from hearing it! The fear that I had failed you and that I could not be the mother that you needed.
Looking back now I see that all the emotions that I went through was FEAR based and I wish that I could have been stronger and been that super mum that held it all together and didn't give a s**t about any test results and didn't let fear zap the joy out of our pregnancy, but sadly our pregnancy was full of anxiety and worry. But I guess that's ok, maybe I needed to go through those emotions and needed it to help me process it all, who knows, we will never know, but its our journey and we have a long road ahead, but we started it together the 4 of us, Mamma, Dada, Amelia & you little Lilah, and we will continue it together now & forever xoxo
We all love you to moon and back Lilah!!!
It is almost a year since we had some pretty scary news about you Lilah, at our 12 week ultrasound we were told lots of possible scary scenarios which lead us down the avenue of many scary prenatal testings, which gave us further scary scenarios and left us with more questions than answers.
I never knew anxiety and fear like I did at this point in our lives.
I wish someone would had told me that you were going to be an amazing little super star, I wish someone would had told me that no "condition" would stop you from being our baby girl or stop us from having a truly magical life, I wish someone would had told me that you will be you in all your uniqueness and that no condition or label would define you, I wish someone would have told me that it was going to be ok- that WE were going to be ok, I wish that someone would had told me that the love that I will feel for you will pull us through all the tough times! ...Ok so my husband did tell me most of this! But FEAR stopped me from hearing it! The fear that I had failed you and that I could not be the mother that you needed.
Looking back now I see that all the emotions that I went through was FEAR based and I wish that I could have been stronger and been that super mum that held it all together and didn't give a s**t about any test results and didn't let fear zap the joy out of our pregnancy, but sadly our pregnancy was full of anxiety and worry. But I guess that's ok, maybe I needed to go through those emotions and needed it to help me process it all, who knows, we will never know, but its our journey and we have a long road ahead, but we started it together the 4 of us, Mamma, Dada, Amelia & you little Lilah, and we will continue it together now & forever xoxo
We all love you to moon and back Lilah!!!
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